Constructive self-criticism can be useful in helping us make better choices. But there is a big difference between taking an honest look at ourselves, and chronic negative self-talk. If you find that you replay the same demeaning stories about yourself in your mind, know that you are not alone.

Here are five steps that I personally find useful in releasing negative self-talk:

1. Claim the doubt or fear with your soul group – In my experience, trying to ignore these negative thoughts will only make them more persistent. The best way to neutralize the thought is to share it with a member of your soul group. Doing so will allow you to claim ownership of this negative feeling, so that you can begin to move past it. Make sure you tell someone who will hold the space for you to express this feeling. You don’t want someone to immediately contradict you and tell you how wonderful you are. While they may mean well, this can unintentionally block you from fully claiming the thought. Ask this person to validate the thought by repeating it back to you in their own words.

2. Script it out – One of my favorite ways to release negative self-talk is to write the thoughts down on a piece of scrap paper. Take a piece of paper and a pen, then set a timer for one minute. During this minute, write down every negative thought or feeling that is bubbling in your mind. These do not need to be full sentences, even just single words or adjectives will do. The point here is to flood the paper with your negative feelings, so that you get them out of your mind. Once the timer goes off, look at the paper and then destroy it. You can shred it, crumple it up, burn it, or anything else. While I tear up the paper, I like to say out loud “I have no use for these negative thoughts and I release them.” No matter what you do, make sure you destroy the paper completely.

3. Embrace Vulnerability – We often mistakenly believe that confident people never experience self-doubt. I have worked with many successful people, and I can assure you that everyone has moments of doubting or criticizing themselves. The truth is, we may always experience some form of doubt at times.

4. Challenge the fear/doubt – When I find myself feeling self-critical, I try to think of an action I can take right away that will help me shift into a more positive frame of mind. This can be as simple as taking a walk or turning on some music. Or it can be something specific to your negative thought. The point is that negative self-talk often causes us to freeze, and challenging these thoughts with an activity can help shift away from obsessing over it.

5. Affirm the possibility – Give yourself the chance to imagine the opposite of your self-criticism. Negative self-talk is exaggerated by our insecurity, and rarely based in fact. Once we have expressed the fear in the steps above, we open our consciousness to the chance for another point of view.

When we embrace the vulnerability we are prepared for an sense of uneasy energy as we move closer and closer to our goals. Vulnerability is often seen as a sign that we aren’t ready where as I choose to see it as a sign that you are human and having a common experience.