As a spiritual person I like to think of myself as easy going. My inner hippie is willing to go wherever the wind takes me. And yet, this past week I got some news that really hit me to my core. It was a change that I was aware might come, but I have spent the past few years hoping it wouldn’t happen.
In the 1960’s my grand parents bought a small cottage in Cutchogue, New York. In the 50 or so years that have passed, it has evolved into a magical home on the water that my family has shared for holidays, summers, weddings, and so much more. This past week, I woke up to an email from my Dad saying that after a lot of soul searching, he was ready to sell it and start a new life in Florida. I am embarrassed to say that I immediately welled up with tears.
“Who cries over a house?” I said to David over morning coffee.
“It’s not just a house.” He sweetly replied.
Even as I type these words, I am welling up with tears. After years of therapy, self help, meditation and self-reflection, I am wise enough to know that happy family memories can be made anywhere. It’s not the location that makes a home, it’s the people. But I am having a really hard time with this one. Something about this change and transition has made me realize how attached I am to nostalgic places and memories that bring me joy.
The rational part of my brain understands why my Dad would want to move. It’s a very big house for one person, and there is a lot of upkeep involved. But for decades now my entire family has spent three weeks there every August. My sister, her husband, and their kids fly in from Dallas. David and I bring our dog Bernie. And for three weeks it is utter, blissful, chaos. We swim, we hunt for fireflies in the yard, we cook, and we laugh over old family stories. It’s every family scene that you would want from a Life Time Movie.
And now that routine is going to change. So why the tears? My dad is relocating to sunny Florida, it’s not like he’s moving to the arctic tundra. I think as a psychic I am used to seeing into the future and being prepared for change. I have the luxury of never getting caught off guard, and ultimately not feeling vulnerable.
And yet I know in my heart that growth comes from change. On a physical level, our bodies react positively to change. If you have ever been focused on an exercise routine you will notice that over time, your body stops responding to the same movements. In order to grow and stay strong, you have to SHOCK your body by changing your routine.
And so I started thinking about the ways in which change offers an opportunity for positive growth. Perhaps David and I will someday buy a beach house of our own and create new memories. We recently joined a new gym because I want to be inspired. And I will even be taking my work overseas for the first time this Summer. Change is upon me and it’s creating a big sense of vulnerability, even though it is good.
As for our family home, my goal is to honor my family’s decision. I realize that a new era of memories are about to be born. The other day when I was having a particularly hard moment, I was on Facebook and my dear friend Colette Baron-Reid shared a perfect quote from Gregg Braden:
“Beware of destination addiction – a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.”
I think I always thought David and I would retire at that beach house. Every summer I have used it as a place to disconnect from my work and recharge. Most importantly it represented home and family connection. But now this home is going to transform, and hopefully represent that for another family. Rather than see this change as a loss, I want to honor the land and space that provided so much joy for us. I want to be open to the universe presenting me with the next chapter. Perhaps a bigger, brighter and even more connected chapter.
27 Responses
Hi i’d love to be there,but i live in Australia,sad hey. So have a great time,i hope there’s a replay.Look forward to hearing from you again.
What an amazing gift that you share with all who reads your story.. How we all look for want to feel that family connection and in your memories you can feel that..
Thanks Dana, that is very sweet of you to say!
we r all human and emotional beings. whatever is happening in our lives effects us and show us who we r? we need to learn be in peace with the changes life bring us.if i were u and able to efford it i would ask my father to sell it to me or me and my sister. if it is possible try to keep the place where we feel so much love and connection. i wish u peace.
Dougall, what you are going through is grief. We all go through it, it is human nature. You are grieving a change in your routine of life, every summer. Now how is your Family going to get together during the summer? You are grieving that your Father is moving from your family home. You are grieving because of why he is moving. He is getting older and the family home is too big and he is going down to Florida where most people go to retire. He is getting older. You are grieving because the place you had an escape to is no longer there. So don’t ignore the grief and try to make it a positive. Yes, you are going through grief and anticipatory grief of what the future holds. Grief, in it self, is not positive, for most of us it is painful. What you do after you grieve to make it a positive is what counts. Go through the grieving process and know that you are going to survive and are going to have to make new memories, new summer plans, new places to escape. Sometimes change is not comfortable but we deal with it and move on. How we do that is up to us to either negative or positive. You are already thinking of positive changes you can make. Go through the grief. Cry, laugh, share all your emotions. You will do well.
I totally agree David, I think that grieving is an important process when letting go of something. Thanks for your words!
Dear Dougall,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. What an enormous transition for you.
The good news is you have the gifts inside you that will open your heart more than ever, and guide your steps moving forward.
You are in my prayers.
God and his awesome Angels are with you every moment. They will comfort you and guide you.
You will receive new visions with so much energy and light you will never lose your adventurous way.
Much love,
Gail
Dougall,
Could you and your family members co-buy the home? Could you and David afford to buy it?
A similar thing happened with my childhood home, that my dad, mom and we kids built ponds on, planted trees on, cared for and created wild places for wildlife.
My childhood home had even been the subject of my dad’s weekly column in The Milwaukee Journal, which later was compiled into a book. He envisioned and created an unbelievably beautiful home for his family and for many animals. It was a haunting and respected piece of land that we all loved so much.
When he died, it went to our stepmother (our mother had passed when we were young). Our stepmother had promised to conserve the property, as had been my dad’s wishes, but never followed through. It was sold to someone who has since neglected it.
It was supposed to go to a land conservancy, but never did.
I completely understand your feelings of loss. Know that there are others who have tried to be strong about such losses as well. We still have the memories, and personally, I walk the place in my mind sometimes (that I so often walked as a kid and young adult), and I still feel the peace that I found among the trees, the flowers, the ponds and the expansive stretches of soft grass. It lives within me.
Bless you, David and Bernie
Thanks for sharing this heartfelt and personal post Dougall. It really touched my heart and took me back to my childhood and the halcyon days at our Bach (kiwi name for holiday home). What a generous gift in the form of memories your place gave you! Cheers Suzi
Thanks Suzi, and I’m glad that my story helped bring back happy childhood memories for you.
My eyes welled with tears as I read. I know how much that family time means to you. I also know you will find a way to create new traditions. But, my heart hurts for you now and sends you and your family much love.
xo
Thank you Su, I appreciate your thoughtful words. 🙂
I understand how you feel, and definitely understand your dad’s perspective and need for some simplicity. I thought I would add an option. Air BNB. You could make a killing on income by renting it out over the summer months (not sure about the winter tho). But people travel year round, and may be a way for your family to maintain the property while not taking a financial hit. Best luck to you, and either way stay thankful. Cheers!
I recently went through a similar loss/transition when my parent’s home sold. The second residence of my childhood had been a part of my family’s for 41 years. In recent years I moved back and cared for, and lost, family members there with age and health concerns. So I understand the loss of a comfortable setting in your life. I wish you peace and best of luck in Europe as your life moves forward. Home is where the heart is. And with those you love. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for your understanding and kind words Charles!
Here is my download from your share; Relationships and the physical places we have lived, take up real-estate in our consciousness. We visit them and revisit them when something triggers a memory opening the envelope of emotional work our soul agreed to heal in this physical life and no one is exempt from this ascension process. I “feel” for lack of better way to say it, you’re being bumped up from faculty to Dean. Purely, on the physical plain, if you want the home, hold the light on the situation and the people will show up to help co- create that. i.e. A property manager could handle renting it out as a vacation get-away. It is not a comfortable physical life traveling, healing and leading as you do. As you know (and more so) Jesus said, “be in the world but not of it.” If deep in your heart you want the home, hold the light on the co-creation of that being made possible and you will in effect make that happen. ” Highest Light and Love, Robin
I am also in a transitiin, learning to let people and things go. My biggest epiphany was N A T O… Not Attached To the Outcome. You will move on and be fine. Change always creates new opportunities. Be well, Ursula
Wow… my Dad has decided to sell my grandparents house in Switzerland that is the family home. Similar story I am going through. It was the house where I remember my paternal grandpa the most and the house he built for generations to come. A place where i feel connected to him but I do realize he is always with me in spirit. Someday I would like to write a story about that house and use it as inspiration.
🙁 I know how exactly how you feel, Dougall. Even though I haven’t been to NP in years, it makes me sad to think that it won’t be in your family anymore. From late nights on the porch to lobster dinners in the dining room (complete with singing and dancing dish-washing) I, too, have fond memories of that house. I bid the Ellis Island room a sad farewell!
Yes, dougall, you expressed the sentiment I also share perfectly, you never realized how attached you were to nostalgic places and memories that give you joy. I continue to live in the house my husband and I shared for almost thirty years, though he passed away two years ago. I cannot imagine being anywhere else, for this very space represents enormous comfort, filled with beautiful memories. Not knowing what the future holds I very well may have to one day leave this house, but until that time comes, i don’t want to focus on that loss. For you, it is indeed a loss, and just like any other, will be a process you have to embrace. Much luck to you, dougall…
Wow Monika, thank you so much for your lovely words. My heart goes out to you, and I imagine that your home would be a great comfort after your husband’s passing. Sending lots of love…
Aww Dougall I soooo get where you are coming from. More ways than you know…well you being psychic you might know, but I understand your attachment.One thing I have to remind myself of from time to time. It’s the people, not the place. You will be creating new memories for you and David and your family now. Just think however, what a beautiful legacy of joy that house will hold for the next family. Lots of love to you.
Shari
I don’t know Dougall…my heart is saying buy that home!
Much love!
Hollie
Hi Hollie, I hear ya. Without going in to details, its a pretty hefty price, and at this point we aren’t in a place to buy a home in NY while living in LA.
I completely feel your pain! Change is one of the biggest things I have a hard time dealing with. And I know that it’s a constant and I need to deal with it but it’s still hard. My parent’s lost their home and it was the home I grew up in so that was difficult to get over. Then my aunt passed away unexpectedly and her house had to be sold so once again I was having to mourn a house. Well, not the house, just all the memories that were made there. Thank you for sharing your story! While change can “suck” it can also lead to amazing things in the future. 🙂
Dear Dougall,
You are such a beautiful soul & so blessed to have had such incredible memories with your family. Just in all the love and caring that you have evoked by sharing your story speaks volumes of who you are. I know that you will always Savory those memories and create more. In the meantime also grieve your loss. I cried with you when I read your story as I’m sure a lot of us did. Some because we can relate to such great memories and feeling of loss and some because we never had those beautiful family memories.
Blessings to you and your new adventures!
Eugenia
Thanks for your sweet words Eugenia, I so appreciate you!