I have inherited some wonderful traits from my family.  My ability to feel, love, and be compassionate to those around me comes from my mother – without a doubt.  My business savvy and courage to stand tall was given to me by my father.  We all inherit traits from our family; some good, some bad.   Haven’t you had that moment where a phrase rolls off your tongue, or the way you stand will send chills down your spine?

“OMG I am becoming my mother!” – we might say.

Recently I celebrated my 34th birthday and was trying to decide how to celebrate.  As any control freak I like to come up with the idea.  I’m not a fan of birthday candles, parties, songs, or anything over the top.  I have made it abundantly clear to David that there is to be no surprise party ever.  I repeat, ever.  David and I usually like to go away for a couple of days, to relax and reflect on the year.  We are still fairly new to living in California, and seeing new cities is a fun way to escape for a few days and learn about our state.  This year we decided to check out Paso Robles.  Paso Robles is about 4 hours north of Los Angeles and is a popular location for wine tasting, delicious food and charming boutique hotels; three of my favorite things.

What?  You thought I camped in a tee-pee for a yoga retreat on my vacations?  Please, I’m a Taurus.  I thought it would be fun to stay in a remote B&B, and spend Saturday touring wineries and having a great dinner.  My mind kept wandering to all of the bad things I was going to allow myself to do on my birthday.

Maybe I can have a cheeseburger for lunch?  What kind of fatty meal am I going to have for dinner? I usually have this ridiculous rule that calories don’t count on my birthday.  However, that rule also applies to vacation too.  And I was just on vacation…  Something in my head clicked.  Why do I reward myself with food?

I started thinking about turning 34 and what that meant.  Many of you who follow my work may know that I talk about my weight incessantly.  There is a reason for this.  The majority of my extended family is very overweight.  There is an unspoken rule in our family that we do not really discuss it.   Sure, we encourage a person when they say they are on a diet.  Or we agree with their excuses for not exercising (This road is too steep.  I don’t have the right shoes.  I can’t do that I’m too old).  Or we agree that it’s due to some other reason outside of their control (This car is too small.  Plane seats are meant for little people.  There are no comfortable chairs in this restaurant).  Rarely if ever is weight the reason for any of the above issues.

I’ve noticed it more as my niece and nephew get older.  With a five and almost two year old, there is a lot of running around  (scooping up Talula so she doesn’t fall over,  or diving behind a couch with Thomson because there is a sudden storm trooper attack).  The universe is helping me get over my sports issues through my sport-obsessed nephew.

“Uncle, Uncle, Uncle, Dougall.  Do you have tickets to a baseball game?”  My nephew says while kicking the soccer ball my way with admirable precision.

“No, my love.  I don’t.”  I utter with a spastic kick in return.

But some of my family members struggle to partake in these family activities.  Not because of bad shoes.  Or Hypoglycemia.  Or a sore neck.  Or back issues.  It’s mainly because of weight.  As I type this, I keep rereading and thinking that I can’t say these things.  What if I hurt their feelings?  It’s as if their size and struggle is somehow a secret.  All of these thoughts and words are said with love.  Ultimately my journey is to break this cycle and continue to be healthy and active.

I think many peoples’ weight issues take hold when they reach their mid 30’s.  And here I am, officially in my mid 30’s.  I have kept my weight off for well over a decade.  Actually, it’s been so long that most people don’t believe I was ever overweight.  I think about it every single day.  If you ever see me or dine with me at a restaurant, one of two things is happening.  I have either spent a good 45 minutes looking at the menu online and choosing my meal in advance, or I partake in what I call “crazy chanting”.  As I open the menu, I immediately zoom in on the healthiest and the worst option on that menu.  Then starts the crazy chanting in my head.

Burger? Salad?  Burger? Salad?  Burger? Salad?

As I am scrolling websites for private cars to take us wine tasting, a thought popped into my head.  What if this year, in an effort to commit to breaking my families’ pattern, I incorporate exercise into my birthday?  What a novel idea!  No breakfast in bed?  French Fries for lunch?  No, this year I will reward myself with a bike tour through California wine country.

I quickly googled bike tours in Paso Robles Ca and Central Coast Outdoors came up!  I fired off an email to get information and also called them up.  I was flooded with excitement and fear.  Could I do this?  17 miles?  Is that far on a bike?  I know it’s far for jogging.  But biking?  I can do a spin class.  I hike all the time.  I think I am in good shape?  I clicked on every page of their site and felt assured by the images of women in their sixties, smiling in bike gear while sipping a glass of pinot grigio.

The morning of the tour, David and I were buzzing with excitement.

“Thanks for coming up with this idea Doogy.”

“Sure! I am a little nervous.”

We were greeted by our trusty tour guide John, an energetic, kind, and thorough guy.  He adjusted our bikes to the correct height and explained some minor safety precautions.  As we rounded the first corner and gained momentum down a hill, my heart was racing.  Can I do this?  Am I this person?  There is something about any physical activity that makes me feel so completely out of place.  It has never felt natural to me.  I am at home when entertaining, setting a table, speaking at a venue, waiting for my flight in an admirals club – you get the idea.  Every day at the gym I feel like an impostor.  Sneakers are the equivalent of full football gear to me.  And here I am – wearing a helmet and racing down a public road.  We traveled about 6 miles before reaching our first stop and all the while I felt insanely alive.  I wasn’t out of breath; actually it felt really easy.

“Ok, guys, now is when you make the choice.  Do we do the 12 miles?  Or would you prefer to do the longer ride of 17?” John asks with judgement-free eyes.

“17 for sure!  And let’s go faster!”  I chirped.

We sped off and I loved every single second of it.  We were warned about one particular hill that was quite killer.  Upon approach of what I later referred to as “vomit peak”, my legs pumped and pumped and pumped.  In my head I repeated these words:

Dougall, think of the strength and the weakness that you have inherited from your family.  On this day you are changing a pattern.  You are creating your own destiny of health and wellness.

My heart was racing, my legs were burning – but my soul was alive.

The end of the ride was much easier.  We finished at a winery and had a tasting.

“I think I taste berry?”  David says, dripping in sweat with a sparkle in his eye.

“It is a fruit-forward wine.”

We know very little about wine, but like to pretend that we do and make each other laugh about it.  With each taste they pour us we giggle at our astute reactions.

“This Pinot has a hint of leather and just a dash of Cheetos.”  I say as I swirl.

“Oh.  No I taste Cool Ranch Dressing in this.”  David giggles.

We purchase a bottle of wine and head out for our gourmet lunch on their patio.  No cheese burger, no fries.  They served Tabbouleh, smoked salmon, bread, turkey and salad.  And a small bite of chocolate brownie.  It was perfection.

When we got back to our bed and breakfast, we both climbed the stairs to our room, wincing with every step.

“Oh my god, my legs feel like jelly!”

“And how painful was that seat!  Now we’re DEFINITELY not having children!”

We both fell into bed and into my second favorite past time – a nap.

The lesson for me this birthday and this week is to recognize the patterns in our families.  Whether we like it or not, most of the traits of our loved ones that trigger us are traits that we see in ourselves.  This week I invite you to take a look at what family ties are working for you, and more importantly which ones are working against you.  You will then be in a better position to let go of the traits that don’t serve you.