I have very clear childhood memories of hearing “Dougall doesn’t like being told no.”  I remember feeling ashamed when this would be repeated.  Looking back as an adult, I appreciate it as a definitive character trait that serves me well.  Perhaps as a kid it was more of an irritant to others.

I can remember being a sophmore in high school and having great anxiety about my test scores.  I would walk to each classroom, peek my head inside, and ask my teacher if they had graded our exams yet.  It’s not like it would take them very long, I reasoned.  These were the days of scantron; you slid the exam into the machine, and in seconds it would pop out the other end with a final score.  How hard could that be?  As I approached the Social Studies main office, I was greeted with a sign on the door from my teacher Mr. Sheer, or as I liked to call him Doug.

I always figured that calling teachers by their first name was a great way to show them I should be taken seriously.  In hindsight, perhaps studying and doing well on tests would have been a smarter approach.  The sign read “NO TEST SCORES GIVEN OUT”.  Well this just won’t do, I thought.  I knocked on the door, and as Mr. Sheer answered I was greeted with a look that I recall as “ugh, one of my least favorite students”.  “No grades are being given out Dougall” he said while hastily closing the door.  “But, Doug!”

I scurried home with a sense of real frustration.  Did I pass?  Would I have to go to Summer School?  I needed this information and I needed it today.  I walked right into my house and sat myself down at the kitchen counter, picked up the phone and dialed 411.  “Yes, Garden City High School please”.   I pressed one to be instantly connected, I can’t be bothered with writing this number down.  That drove my dad crazy; “use a phone book!” he’d yell.  “Garden City High School, may I help you?”  “Yes, this is Mr. Fraser, can you please connect me with the Social Studies Department?”  “Please hold”, she said.  My heart was racing; who did I think I was, Ferris Bueller?  But I just could not take “NO” for an answer.

“This is Doug Sheer”.  “Hi Mr. Sheer it’s Dougall, did you grade my test yet?”  Mr. Sheer burst out laughing.  “Ok Dougall, nice touch, give me a minute.”  As he put the phone down I could hear him enter my test into the scantron machine.  Click, click, click, click, click.  “Uh oh, too many clicks” I said. “Yup, you failed.”  I can’t even remember the end of the conversation.  Or even what the score was, but I do remember thinking “That was an effective way to get the info that I wanted”.  Now I realize that I was just an impatient kid who didn’t want to wait for my test results, but as an adult I think that life will often throw you a curve ball in the form of a “no”.  As human beings, it is our job to use our persistence and find the “yes”.  This energy impresses the universe and can help us achieve our dreams.

As an adult I am no longer described as a person who doesn’t like hearing no.  My friends often describe me as a very resilient and persistent person.

As a psychic and life coach I have realized that the majority of my clients don’t like being told no either.  Everyone feels this to a varying degree.  If I am working with someone who is trying to attract a relationship, often times they are stuck in limbo because they don’t want to face rejection from another person.  They are so afraid of hearing “no” that they sit at home waiting for love without ever reaching out.  Clients who hope to work in a creative field such as as acting, writing, or singing, often have to deal with many rejections on their way to success.  They can become so blocked and stuck in the pain of “no” that they drop their art and stop moving forward.  This is the curve ball that the universe has thrown.  I try to explain to people that I was rejected as an author hundreds of times.  Agents and publishers for years would say no.  Honestly, I could have wallpapered my living room in rejection notices; my windows would have been plastered with letters from Penguin Publishing saying “We regret to inform you”.  But for me, “No” was just an unacceptable answer.  And when I finally found the right team, my book ended up getting multiple offers, with three of the top publishers in the world making bids on my creative work.  Had I contracted from rejection, I would have missed a life-changing opportunity.

We are all told “no” several times a day, and some of those are just part of life.  We stop at a red light, we try to drive the speed limit, we know not to take more than 3.4 ounces of any liquid on a plane. These are examples of being told no that are wise to accept.  However, when it comes to your personal dreams and ability to move your life forward, we can’t let “no” get us down.  Of my most accomplished friends and colleagues, I can’t think of a single one that was an overnight success.  They all forged ahead in the face of rejection, created a thicker skin and continue to do so.  Even as I write this, I can remember rejection when David and I were first dating.  His religious family said that they would never meet me, and I would never be included in their life.  Well, that just wouldn’t do.  It’s taken a few years, but in 5 days we leave for Florida to celebrate Passover with David’s entire family; it’s been so long since they’ve said no that I have almost forgotten.

So this week I ask you, is there an area of your life where you are afraid of being rejected, or hearing no?  Is that stopping you from stepping out of your comfort zone?  If so, remember that we have all been rejected before.  It is the Universe’s curve ball.  The idea is to see how courageous we can be, regardless of whether we achieve the goal or not.  Always try several options to achieve your goal, and be proud of the effort, not the outcome.  I commit to finding the “yes” this week.  Will you join me?