I feel vulnerable writing this, but after thirteen years together, last Tuesday David and I lost our beloved dog Bernie.
I want to begin by thanking you for the beautiful comments and messages you’ve been sending us. I’m tremendously grateful for the patience of my clients and those who are in group programs with us. I normally adapt to any situation and continue working, but thanks to your understanding, we were able to adjust the schedule so that David and I can properly grieve.
These past few days have been really painful, and I kept trying to understand why this loss feels so different from other losses.
In my life I have lost grandparents, aunts/uncles, in-laws, friends and even my mother.
All of those losses came with pain, emotional processing and ultimately, acceptance. But I was shocked by how hard I cried the night Bernie crossed the rainbow bridge. It was like a dam of tears broke within us.
Bernie was David’s first dog, and the three of us were incredibly attached. We found him at a shelter adoption event the month that we moved into our home in Los Angeles and felt like our family unit was complete. We were in sync and inseparable.
A total ball of energy in his youth, Bernie mellowed as he matured and would often nap quietly by my feet while I worked with intuitive clients or led meditations. In the mornings before getting out of bed, he would often crawl onto my chest and look into my eyes. I wondered if he purposely took deep breaths when I did or if it was just a coincidence.
As Bernie got older and older, I would gently try to prepare David for what I knew was the hardest part of having a pet.
Bernie’s walks became slower and shorter. His six-foot-high leaps in the air eventually turned into foam stairs and ramps in the house. And in these past few months when stairs became too much, we ended up carrying him from location to location.
We tried everything we could think of: Acupuncture, Reiki, lasers, massage, all kinds of Western medicine, pain medication, CBD tinctures and more.
But in the last few weeks, we could see his quality of life decrease as his pain increased.
I knew at some point it was our responsibility as pet guardians to know when the pain was exceeding the love and joy. I believe it is our sacred contract to know when it is time, and not just keep them around because it’s what we want.
Once he stopped wanting to eat, a holistic vet was recommended to us who came over and agreed that it was time. We felt lucky to have Bernie pass at home, laying in between us on his blanket – his favorite spot. We had soft lighting, gentle music, and lavender oil diffusing.
We called in the angels and all higher beings. We gently petted him, told him how much we loved him and shared gratitude for his presence in our life.
I’m not sure I have ever seen David (or myself) cry so hard before, during and after. The tears still flow as I write this.
But why does this feel so much more intense?
I suppose there are a few reasons.
David and I, early in our lives together, opted not to have children. This was based on several factors that we were both comfortable and at peace with.
But we were adamant about having a dog – and Bernie quickly became a core part of our family unit.
The connection we all have with our pets is uncomplicated. It is purely about love, shared experiences and bearing witness to our most vulnerable moments. That’s not to say that there wasn’t love with family members and friends that I have lost. But there are layers of energy that we all have with our human soul circles. Human relationships are nuanced and can be complicated. It’s this way by design and allows us to learn various lessons from each other.
With pets it’s a simple, sacred bond. Bernie was always completely present in every moment, which helped me to be more present. Simple things like taking a walk, watching a sunset, or sitting quietly by the ocean became more meaningful just by being next to him.
Even the mourning process feels different.
When my mother passed, part of the mourning process involved holding space for everyone’s feelings and grief. There were differences between the way my sister, father, and friends of my mother experienced their grief. This is completely normal. When someone dies, their loved ones must process their emotions based on the specific relationship they had with that person.
And while this is part of the experience, it can also prevent us from fully releasing or expressing our own emotions related to that person.
With the loss of Bernie, David and I have been able to be very still and present for our emotions.
There was no funeral, or the social/business part that comes with a human passing.
When the sadness rises and the tears need to come out, we hold each other before reflecting on the joy and love that we had with that special being.
It is also one of the first times I gave myself full permission to be completely in my feelings. I identify as a caretaker and it’s my nature to always support others. Being a caretaker is the reason I chose to do intuitive work. This is very common for all light workers and sensitive people/empaths.
At first my inner caretaker took the lead. I thought, I have to do all my sessions this week. I have to teach my classes. I have to remember my upcoming obligations.
I have to I have to I have to.
But instead, I decided to take a different approach. I took a few days off. I trusted that the world wouldn’t fall apart if I was present for my own needs and self-care during a difficult time.
And simply put, I let it all out and cried over the loss of my dog.
Thank you again for all of your patience. Thank you for your comments and holding space for us this week.
And lastly, thank you to Bernie. Our sweet love. Our sweet boy. May your soul be free. We love you forever.
Much Love,
38 Responses
Dougall-
There is nothing more difficult than the loss of a dog….they are pure love. I cried as I read your blog and think the way you and David crossed Bernie over was beautiful. Sending you guys so much love!
As an animal communicator I have talked to many animals, before transition and in spirit. I can assure you it’s a beautiful place your best friend has gone to. It’s much harder for us than them xx
Thank you so much just what I needed to hear. I miss my fur babies so much. What you wrote it puts perspective on my thoughts. Sorry for Bernie but he was soooo blessed to have you two dads. Sending love!
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Pets are as precious as the air we breathe. Their unconditional love is pure. Your blog brought tears to my eyes. And is a reminder of the importance of gratefulness, compassion, and letting time heal us from all sorts of losses as we consciously practice self care throughout these periods. Thank you for your inspiration and sharing your vulnerable human experiences. Sending Lots of love to you and David. 💕
Dear Dougall,
So many of us identify with and felt every thing you described with our beloved companions.
And thank you for adding the “reasons why it’s painful” along with your vulnerability,. It was all so well put and deeply moving to memorize that bring our own tears.
It is/was a beautiful reminder of loving in the way that’s so meaningful.
Thank you for your deep heartfelt Love. I appreciate the opportunity to be a part of knowing it.
From my own place of knowing, I send the warmth of Compassion….
Dougall and David, I’m so sorry for Bernie’s passing. Thank you for being so vulnerable in sharing your joyful times with him and your terrible loss. I’m sending you both much love and hugs as you continue on, especially as you go through your daily activities that Bernie would have been a part of.
Thank you for putting words to this profound loss. I am crying reading your story. My Molly is turning 13 and she has cushings and as I speak she is having complications. I am already in anticipatory grief and yet I know it won’t prepare me for that inevitable loss. I too did not have children this lifetime. I have always been more wired for animals. They had me at hello. I have never loved this deep or been loved this deeply in my life. She is my heaven on earth. I guess I’m going into my story to let you both know I SEE YOU!!! I pray and trust you will feel Bernie with you again…countless awesome miraculous stories of how they continue to communicate with us. Thank you for sharing your vulnerable and heartfelt story. The more we give voice to this profound love the more we honour those who are considered to be “voiceless” …our dear animals.
Much love to you both. You’re doing this exactly right, both to honour your sweet Bernie and allowing yourself to grieve this significant loss. Our pets are often the longest and purest relationships of our lives so it makes sense that the pain of the loss is profound. Holding you both with love and comfort to help ease this huge hurt. A beautiful and vulnerable share that will guide others to experience their own loss fully. Thank you for showing us your heart Dougall.
My sincere condolences for your loss – that statement does not feel like enough. I am truly so sorry for the loss of Bernie and send you both so much love as you grief his passing. As I read your story, the tears flow down my face as well. Our pets are our true companions who teach us so much, including our immense capacity for love. Sending peace, comfort and so much love.
Dougall I cried reading your post because I know all too well the pain of such a profound loss. For every dog and cat I have lost over my life I felt I would never get over the pain or grief. Each one holds a special place in our hearts forever and their short lives never seem long enough. I am so glad you and David are allowing time to grieve and I hope that each day that passes will lessen the pain a little. Sending you hugs and healing.
❤️🩹
Isn’t it so true that the burden of grief only falls upon those left behind? It is a burden indeed. Oddly, there can be joy in burden. The joy is in its possibility. The possibility of learning just how many people, souls, angels, and guides are there to lighten that load as you are ready. I reinforce to you how much you both are loved and lifted up, not only during this burden, but always. Grief sharing hugs, Bridgette
Your message is so special. I still grieve my dogs that have passed on. They are here, I see them but nothing compares their warmth when they are with you.
Thank you for sharing, holding space for your grief.
Many blessings
Rainbow Bridge
“Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face: your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….”
This has helped every time we ever lost a wonderful pet
love Maxine and Mike
I’m so so sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is the hardest thing. And such a tremendous loss. They are pure love. And joy. And goofiness. And all things good in the world. Those who have been through it completely understand and empathise. Sending you both much healing love.
That pure unconditional love is just not possible with humans and trust they have that we will take care of them is sacred. I made the choice to aid my Maddy’s crossing. I think it’s the ultimate act of love. I wish we could help each other as well.
Love and warm hugs to you both.
Hi Dougall, hi David,
while reading your blog I could not help but crying. I always wanted to have a pet, but my parents did not allow it since they had suffered so much about the loss of their beloved cat Peter (after more than 14 years). My dad found him on a building site in his cap and brought him home – a llitle black cat with a white spot on his chest. It was years before I was born. So I feel with you very much. I think there will be times when you will think about Bernie and laugh again. Memory is a sacred place for all of us. You now know that he is free, free of pain and the problems that “old age” brings even for the pets.
My love and angel blessings to you two and my blessing to Bernie in heaven.
Love Monika
I’m in my 68th year and have almost always had the companionship of a dog. As I write this my precious partners are right next to me. I am intimately familiar with this type of loss.. As I cry with you I have no words.
Dear Dougall & David,
My heart and prayers are with you. The loss of our favorite little beings – at least for me – was deep and seemingly never-ending. I’ll keep you both (and Bernie!) in my thoughts throughout this journey for you. Much love to you! Kate
Dear Dougall and David,
I was touched by what you shared regarding the loss of your beloved Bernie. As an avid animal lover, I easily connected with what you felt and expressed. I have had to say goodbye (for now) to many of my furry, four-legged friends over the years. You are right. It is unbelievably difficult to let them go. But we forever hold the love for them in our hearts. I still keep pictures of some of my “best pals” pinned to my bulletin board. The pictures remind me of that unconditional love that we share with our pets. I am sending thoughts of light and peace as you mourn the loss of your loved one. With deepest sympathy for your loss.
Dougall & David. Now that my own tears have somewhat subsided I just wanted to acknowledge your grief & pain. Sharing your story is hopefully cathartic for you both.
I’m 71 and our family has had dozens of pets over the years. Losing them is always SO hard and yet our need for that unsolicited non-judgmental devotional love keeps us repeating the process. I’ve also lost many friends and family members but our 1st dog, Qantas lived 19 years and passed 30 years ago. I to this day I cry like a baby at times when I think of her. The only worse grieving I can only (thankfully) imagine is the loss of one of my children. Grieve however you feel. Thank you for sharing. It helps.
Dougall and David, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I am glad you are taking the time to grieve. Thank you for sharing your experience even while you are in the midst of your grief. I didn’t know it was possible for pets to pass away at home.
I think it’s everyone’s dream whether human or animal to be able to pass over in their own home surrounded by loved ones, breathing in the scents and hearing the sounds that make them feel safe, loved, and content. Not everyone gets to have this experience. What a lovely gift you have given to Bernie.
Oh
Dougall, I am so sorry to hear about Bernie! Your comments touched my heart . Bernie’s photos reminded me of my little Suzy dog. She was white and fuzzy. Dogs are so very special. Bernie was blessed to have you and David , just as
You were blessed to have Bernie in your life. I know there is a hole in your lives now. Hold David close as you go thru your days. One day at a time. Just one day at a time dear friends.
Beautifully said Dougalll…. so sorry for your loss…Bernie was adorable! Thank you for sharing…. this literally brought tears to my eyes as I do believe animals are just absolutely magical and I cannot imagine a life without them. ❤️
…. funny enough, I have an appointment to go to the animal shelter this afternoon to see a little white dog that has been up for adoption for 6 months…he’s 12 years old and has been at the shelter because his owner passed….. I can’t help but wonder if this message from you is a sign……thank you again for sharing❤️
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Bernie. I know how many people value their pets as family members. I know Bernie will live forever in your hearts.
Sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is very hard on the soul. I Believe Bernie is giving us all a gift……the gift of allowing ourselves to feel ….The gift of allowing us to take time to heal…. Thank you Bernie
Dear Dougall & David – thank you for sharing your heart with us all. I’m so very sorry your earthly time with Bernie came to it’s end. Losing our fur family is so so hard because they are utterly here FOR US. They are truly angels. Even with the lessons they come with, ultimately they are here for us. So few people in our lives are THAT pure. You know Bernie is with you still in his effervescent doggie spirit suite. May his memories and glimpses of him in your daily life bring you more joy and than pain one day. But until that time, “grief is just love with no where to go”. The greater the love, the greater the heart misses them – it just makes sense. No need to question it. Just breathe.
We love you both and Bernie for being the fur angel sent to take care of you two.
~Vanessa
I am so sorry for your loss. Bernie was and is with you for all time. What a treasure he provided you. Unconditional Love.
As you grieve his passing, know that there are so many of us who grieve with you.
With love and sincere condolences 🙏 Trisha
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Bernie. Sending you peace and comfort. My cat Grisy lived with us for 20 years and she was our first child. Slyvester was our second pet and we had him for 18 years. We currently have Maggie our 13 year old dog and Jose our 3 year old cat. Thanks for writing about your experience. I definitely mourned harder for my pets. Their unconditional love, intimacy with our daily life and all the joy they bring us makes their passing a huge loss. My deepest condolences. Hugs
So sorry for your loss. I am sending healing energy and prayers to both you and David. ❤️🙏
My heart goes out to you and David. There is a unique depth to the grief that we feel when our pets leave our lives. Thank you for sharing Bernie with us and trusting us with your experience. Sending Angel hugs for comfort.
Dougall and David
You gave little Bernie the most amazing life and a huge amount of love. So many walk through life without the comfort of such affection. I hope you chose to open your home to another beautiful dog again soon. We never really finish grieving our fur friends. We shouldn’t wait until we have to open ourselves to the unique love an animal brings. You will honor Bernie’s love by brining in a new pup when such a lucky dog crosses your path.
Dear Dougall, even I started crying somewhere halfway your message… I have lost ‘my’ adoption cat Lolo the day before Christmas and I had the same reaction: how could I cry so much and feel so vulnerable about this loss, why did it felt very different to all the other losses in my life? This stray cat appeared in our garden just before the pandemic three years ago (Christmas time). Shortly after that, he got sick and I found hem all curled up outside on my doormat. That was the moment I adopted him 😉 He recovered quickly and stayed with us all this time (mostly outside but always very close to me and the house). Now last Christmas, only three years later I found him in the morning very peacefully lying in the basket I bought for him. I thought he was sleeping… I’m so grateful that he didn’t suffer, but to me it was a real shock, since he looked very alive when I saw him the day before and he was still fairly young (5-8 yrs).
I believe that we are attracted to pets and vice versa because we have something in common, a wound or a characteristic. I have another catfriend with which I share my fear for abandonment, and a second one which is highly sensitive (even for a cat!) and has difficulties to cope with that, just like me. It took me a while to see what it was with Lolo, but than I saw it very clearly through the strange way he observed other cats and then, very clumsy, tried to copy their behavior. He didn’t even know how to play! I guess that he didn’t really knew how to be a cat, like I don’t really know how to be a human 😉
I wonder what it was with you and Bernie… Much love and warm blessings to both of you… Bregje
Dougall and David, my heart goes out to you. Bernie sounds like a dream dog and a huge blessing in your lives. Thank you for allowing us to share your grief and support you.
I am so very sorry for your loss….it is the hardest heartbreak ever to say goodbye to our beloved furred family members.
Dear Dougall and David,
I’m so very sorry for the loss of Bernie. Thank you so much for sharing him with us as well, as your experiences and process. I do hope his memory will bring you both some comfort. Sending loving thoughts your way.
Dear Dougall and David,
I’m so very sorry for the loss of Bernie. Thank you so much for sharing him with us as well, as your experiences and process. I do hope his memory will bring you both some comfort. Sending loving thoughts your way.
Guys I have 57k thoughts, emotions and things I’d like to blurt out about loosing my little girl and life partner 3 years ago one in February the other in October and the loss I am going through now so much so that I am in contact with Dr. Phil but I’ve said enough. I don’t want to sound mean I just don’t want yous to do to yous what I did to me. Don’t reflect, regret, and guilt yourselves. Don’t think that there’s a time limit and if you weren’t you or other people would and all sorts of things like that. Dont feel bad if for one day you don’t feel bad and cry. Don’t analyze or reason and when necessary give each other breathing room. Let somebody else gather the toys, t-shirts, bowls, food and pack it all up for yous. And remember there may be times when you need to go to another person just to feel safe and understood. The need to feel wanted, loved, unpressured. The knowing that your sharing time with someone who understands you and you can speak to without words. A place that you can just be and feel the tidal waves rise and fall. It’s all ok. If there’s anything I can do for yous anything at all even if it’s at 3am and you want me to order Dominos delivery it’s cool. See now I’m double thinking omg do I sound like some Cathy Bates weirdo Clarice? I just creeped myself out. I’m glad it’s not dark. Anyways know in your heart, mind, spirits and souls yous are greatly loved by all of us. Believe me when I say yous can lean on us we’ll be your strength when you have no more.
Be well and be good to you.
i was just thinking about you and the loss of your baby..not knowing my baby would leave me. i lost my sadie 1/25/23 in the early morning, she died at home in my arms, all 8lbs of a beautiful chihuahua. my little soulmate, she was my heart. i had the honor of her love for 18 years, by my side. my heart is broken. i have been a student of mediumship and astrology for years. but it still hurts like hell. i smell her in my blankets, i put crystals in her empty water bowl with her picture *it helps me)…hey,those crystals helped Sadie recover from cancer surgery in 2015 with healing i learned from James van Praagh and Colette baron-Reid’s Chakra healing music CD playing every min of the recovery time. (they are my teachers) i know i am talking alot. thank you for listening to me.