The other day I asked David to buy a new battery for the scale. Between the pandemic, and what felt like months of curve balls, there were certain things that just did not seem that important.

Which is exactly why I haven’t weighed myself in over a year.

I’ve maintained a 100lb weight loss for much of my adult life, and am usually pretty focused on staying reasonably fit. But this year, I’d given myself permission not to worry about anything unnecessary for a while. To me, it felt fair to take one or two balls out from all the emotional juggling that I (and the world) was doing.

But currently, my world seems to be opening up more and more. For the first time in ages, we have actual plans on our calendar! Small dinners with friends and even family trips are being scheduled.

I am so excited to mindfully reconnect with family and friends. One thing I learned this year is that even as a self-professed introvert, I miss being around people. Who knew?

Like many of us, in the past 14 months I’ve really taken to spending much of my day in some kind of pajama situation or casual stretchy clothes. It’s been such a blessing in so many ways to work from home, not the least of which are elastic plants!

I can quickly throw on a dress shirt and comfy exercise shorts before teaching a meditation class on Zoom. And I’m lucky enough that in my line of work, even not shaving or wearing a baseball cap can be appropriate.

But recently I’ve been confronted with a different, now unfamiliar side of my closet. The things-we-wear-outside-of-home side of my wardrobe.

In the past few months, I’d occasionally put on one of the shirts and pants that I used to wear, and ignored the fact that I was quite cinched in them.

But as my calendar began to fill up, I realized that it was time to ground into reality and check in with my body.

“I got the new batteries,” David said.

“Oh boy,” I replied.

David went into the bedroom and searched for the scale tucked away under our dresser. 

“It’s covered in dust. What perfect symbolism!”

We wiped it clean followed by a quick cleaning under the dresser. I replaced the battery and was immediately inundated with familiar thoughts of resistance:

I’ll weigh myself in a week.

Dinner last night was salty, which means today won’t be an accurate number so I should put it off.

I’m Zen, I don’t need numbers to tell me how I feel.

I am practicing detachment, so why do I even need to know?

There is some truth to that last statement. If you’ve ever struggled with your weight like me (and even if you haven’t), it’s easy to give way too much importance to a number on the scale. I’ve attached it to my self-worth before, and there have also been times when it was a source of obsession for me.

I took a deep breath and a full exhale, then stepped on the scale.

“I’ve gained 12 pounds.” I said out loud.

David and I have been together for nearly twenty years. He has been down this road with me before.

“Is that freaking you out?” he lovingly asked.

“Actually, no.”

And it really wasn’t! I’ve had moments in the past where my fluctuating weight was devasting to me. I’ve been overweight in my life, and there have been times when I was so vigilant that I was underweight as well.

But something was different this time. I felt grounded. I felt clear. I felt love for myself!

I think the difference is that this time I gave myself permission to put this all in perspective.

The truth is that yes, I would like to turn the volume up on my self-care. I would like to reassess and make more mindful choices with what I am consuming. But I was also able to see some of the beauty in what has been going on. 

Look, we all know that the last year was hard in many ways. Even if you weren’t directly affected by the pandemic, so many elements of our lives changed drastically. We haven’t been able to visit with our family or loved ones in far too long. We’ve dealt with toilet paper scarcity and not being entirely in control of what groceries we could get, or how we get them.

But ironically, those challenges also made me realize how much I’d taken for granted. Sometimes modern conveniences can lull us out of gratitude and into complacency. And ironically, this same complacency causes us to focus on things that don’t really matter all that much.

In light of all these changes, many of us used nesting as a way to cope and find comfort.

David and I worked hard on staying engaged with what was going on in the world, even though that wasn’t always easy. We would read to educate ourselves and see how we could do our part. And once that was done, we used nesting as a way of nurturing.

Nesting consisted of cooking and creating as homey of an environment in our space as possible. And I’m quite proud of how much our culinary skills have increased! When the world seemed upside down, we both found great solace in nesting and creating theme nights. We would listen to music and YouTube videos that paired with our meal.

We’d read articles on recipes that seemed complicated or even impossible, and then give it a shot. It was fun, but more importantly it was healing.

And I really used food to ground my energy. Food can be one of the easiest ways to ground ourselves. It physically brings you into your body. It will literally help you feel your connection to the earth. When dealing with stress or trauma, it’s totally normal to look for comfort. For us, that meant watching old movies and recreating old recipes – and that was okay.

So yes, there is currently more of me to love. And I am truly at peace with that. I’ve decided that I can weave other tools into my grounding routine.

I can safely emerge from my nest and connect with the outside world.

But I’ve also realized that I can love myself when I am strong, or when I am feeling vulnerable.

Chances are elements of your life and routine have changed over the past 14 months. There is no better time than the present to stop, pause and take a look at your current energy management tools.

As an aura intuitive, I see pink as the color of unconditional love. It’s a great color to help direct kindness inward, whether you visualize it, wear it, or surround yourself with something pink.

If there is one wish I have for you, it’s to weave love, compassion and kindness into your day.

Collectively we have been through a lot. And we’re not out of the woods quite yet.

I encourage you to love yourself wherever you are on this journey, embrace yourself with kindness because it’s what we all need right now.

If you’re feeling anxious or uncertain, be kind and patient with yourself. Whatever it is, know that you’re not alone.

Much Love,