The other day at the gym (where oddly enough I get most of my inspiration for blogs) I had a thought about the difference between rational and irrational fear.  I spend a lot of time with clients, trying to intuit if their fear is grounded in reality or self-created.  I believe that a self-created fear is the brain’s way of “protecting” us from taking action.  At first this seemed like a great topic for a blog, and then my own fear spin cycle started.

“Haven’t you blogged about fear already?”

“Is this too negative a topic?”

“Imagine how bored people will be if you blog about the SAME thing.”

“You should skip blogging and order a pizza instead.”

I’ve had this idea swirling in my head for about 10 days, and yet every time I sat down to write about it, those charming fearful thoughts would dance in front of my inspiration.  Why would our own brilliant minds hold us back from being in our power? And more importantly, are there ever times that fear actually serves us?

I think there are some universal fears that do in fact protect us.  If I am preparing and working with raw chicken, I practically hose my kitchen down with soap afterwards as though there had been a killer virus outbreak.  I am extra thorough in my cleaning because of the lingering fear that myself, or someone I love could get Salmonella.  I think that this qualifies as a rational fear.  I don’t run into traffic without looking both ways; this action is based on a grounded fear.  I avoid wearing horizontal stripes because they are the opposite of slimming.  Ok, perhaps this is not a grounded fear.

But how can we separate the difference?  I was recently at a family bar mitzvah that had so much drama and emotional backstory that I could, and probably will, write a book about it some day.  In a nutshell, I am not entirely welcome in this orthodox environment.  This triggers a lot of fear for me.  After 48 hours of religious ceremony, family gatherings, and then finally the party itself, I was a little tired of having my guard up.  The fear of rejection, which is pretty valid in this scenario, was so strong that I was allowing it to block my most authentic self.  As the party progressed, I could feel myself dissociating and disconnecting socially.  Physically I was there, and people who don’t know me well probably didn’t notice, but I was tuning out.  As the music grew, a dear cousin of David’s who does make me feel accepted and supported, came over and grabbed my hand to dance.  Immediately I was filled with fear.  The environment didn’t feel safe.  There are certain people that don’t want me to be here.  There is an understanding that I am invited but should blend into the background.

“Come Dance with me!”

“I can’t. I really would prefer not to.”

Her eyes met mine with such love.  I know what she was doing.  She was saying, who cares what anyone else thinks.  This is a celebration and I want to celebrate with you.  She sweetly pleaded with me for about two minutes, but I was letting the fear consume me.  In hindsight I realize this was an irrational fear.  There is some truth to it.  We have struggled with parts of David’s religious family for ten years.  And we have also made great progress.  This time I was actually on the invitation; my name was misspelled but who’s counting.  Next time perhaps I’ll dance.

On the car ride home I was frustrated with myself for not getting up and dancing.  My mind was so trained on the energy that has issues with my authentic self, that I missed an experience to bond and dance with a loving family member.

I am relaying this story to explain that fear is a regular part of our lives, and we all have an opportunity to conquer it each day.  No one is perfect, and there are certainly situations that I would love to go back to and conquer with courage.  My question for us all to consider, is to become aware of how fear plays a role in your life.  In our day-to-day environment, we are presented with situations that inspire protective fear.  Then there are other limiting fears that, when in our center, we would be wise to overcome.

Try this exercise, in the next week take a notebook and try to track your fear.  Where does the fear serve you and, just like the start of this blog, where is it holding you back from your power?  There is great knowledge in the awareness of how emotions play a role in our lives.  When we are in clear observation of the energy of fear, we are more apt to overcome it.  I’m already excited to wear horizontal stripes.