I have had this awareness lately of how frequently I apologize. It happens so often that it seems to be second nature to me. And sometimes I feel like the universe is highlighting this “apology frequency” for my own growth and awareness.

     As an intuitive and cosmic life coach, I have long valued the power of a genuine apology within relationships. So many people carry the pain of being hurt by someone else, sometimes for their entire lives. Witnessing people go through this pain feels so unnecessary, since saying “sorry” and owning our part is simple, means so much, and goes a long way towards making peace. I speak to clients every day who harbor resentments toward coworkers, friends, or family members. And most times, apologizing for our role is enough to soften any heart so that healing can begin.

However, for those of us who know the power of an apology, it can also go too far.

     I see and interpret auras around people, so color energy is a tool that I often reach to when I need a boost of specific energy. Blue is a great color if you want to learn more about yourself, because it invokes clear-eyed truth and an increased sense of insight. I meditated with blue and asked myself why I apologize so much. This is the answer that flowed through me:

     Over-apologizing can easily happen with sensitive people, and it occurs when we apologize for things that don’t really merit an apology, or are technically not our fault. We do this because we want to put others at ease and make it clear that we want peace. But by apologizing too much, we dilute the power of our words and people will not take them seriously. Over-apologizing also sends our subconscious mind the message that we are always at fault for something. It can create a dynamic where we feel small and helpless.

     People that I know and trust have started responding to my apologies by saying things like why are you sorry? You’ve done nothing wrong. Please don’t apologize.

     These kinds of responses are why I started asking myself, why am I apologizing so much? Am I apologizing for my mere existence? Is this a contraction of energy preventing me from being in my power?

     I always try to be mindful of the words people to express them selves. During private sessions or when I am teaching, a client might use an expression or word that once stated, lingers in the air. They might describe their job as a “creative utopia” or conversely they might say they feel “chained” to their work. The lingering energy behind the word can be uplifting and empowering, or it can have the opposite effect of creating heavy energy. Either way, our words are powerful.

     I was recently with a friend and telling her about my issue with saying sorry. She totally related, but in her case she constantly mentioned the need to protect her energy. I quickly pointed out that I don’t use the word “protection” when it comes to managing my energy. For me, the mere thought that I have to “protect” myself makes me feel as though the thoughts and vibes of others are more powerful than my own. I believe that I have control over my energy, so I don’t want to use words that invoke a different set of beliefs.

     After 30 minutes of being together, my friend admitted that she talked about needing to protect herself everywhere. She came to realize that her words were embedding a sense of fear throughout her life. She felt like she needed protection in relationships, the mall, traveling, and everywhere else. We deduced that all this protection might be blocking her from the next job, and maybe even being open to new love.

     Together we decided that we would come up with new, empowering phrases to replace our limiting ones. Rather than scanning a room for who or what might hurt her, what if she scanned the room for a true connection instead? She would consciously choose to think “I am looking to connect” instead of “I must protect myself.”

     I tried to come up with another word or phrase to replace my apologies. After giving it some thought, what came to mind was “Oh hi there!” My thinking is that it would allow me to convey that I am friendly and here to help, while removing the energy of being sorry for everything. I’ve been testing it out in moments when I might start with an apology, and so far it’s been working! Here’s a few examples:

Oh hi there! I didn’t see you in this grocery aisle.
Oh hi there, does this shirt come in a tall size?
Oh hi there, I’ve been meaning to email you.
Oh hi there, I haven’t blogged in awhile and missed you!

     In the next few days, I encourage you to observe if there are any phrases or words that you use automatically without thinking of their energetic impact. Are they serving and helping you expand? Or is there a more mindful expression that might help align your energy with more peace, connection and opportunity? Let me know, I’d love to know your thoughts!