Normally, I think of an anniversary as a joyful occasion. For example, my wedding anniversary is a day that brings me many happy memories.

For many of our family and friends, this was the first gay wedding they’d ever been to. Actually, it was the first gay wedding we had been to ourselves!

Being surrounded by our loved ones, laughing together and feeling unconditionally loved on that day meant a lot.

Or I think about the anniversary of adopting our dog Bernie, when David and I stumbled upon a dog adoption drive at a local park. We first saw him standing shyly next to a volunteer from the shelter, and it was love at first sight.

But as we move through March, many of us are coming to the pandemic anniversary, when so much about life changed. It goes without saying that I’m not planning to celebrate this anniversary.

It’s interesting to me how my perception of time changed in 2020. In some ways, it felt like the longest year I’ve ever experienced. But at the same time, parts of the year feel like they happened a lifetime ago.

I have trouble remembering when some events occurred, as if the year were moving so fast that it was all a blur.

Was that your experience too? I think this blurring of time is a bit of a coping mechanism.

But Anniversaries serve a purpose, whether it’s a joyful event like the start of a new relationship, or a challenging anniversary like the passing of a loved one.

We mark these dates to serve as a purpose for reflection.

So here we are, at the anniversary of the pandemic. As much as we all want to move on, there’s quite a bit to process.

I am a big believer in emotional inventory, which involves taking an honest look at how we’re feeling. To demonstrate how this is done, I’ll use myself as an example.

I’ll scan my heart to see if there are any buried emotions that need to be felt or acknowledged. From there, they must be voiced and then ultimately released if it doesn’t serve our higher good.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year, giving myself time to process anything that might be lingering.

I’m going to share what came up, starting first with the challenges.

Missing family and friends terribly: Although we’ve had the occasional social distanced get together, it’s been over a year now since seeing many members of my family. For the most part David and I have stuck to a fairly strict isolation. We haven’t been on a plane to see loved ones and that has been incredibly hard.

Longing for adventure: Prior to last year, there was rarely a month when I didn’t have some kind of trip coming up. I love going to other cities both domestic and abroad. I love experiencing different cultures, and I really long for it now. I didn’t fully appreciate how easy it was for us to hop on a plane and arrive somewhere new and exciting.

Wishing I could entertain: I love to host, cook and create time to be with people we love. The fact that not a single person other than us has been in our home in 12 months has been hard. As much as I am a natural introvert, even for me that feels odd.

Okay, now on to some positives!

I’ve also carved out some space to reflect on what I have learned. Although this year has presented itself with extraordinary challenges, there are lessons that I want to keep with me and integrate them more into my life.

Here are a few of them.

Understanding my privilege: Although as a gay person I do understand what it’s like to be misunderstood or marginalized, I didn’t grasp the gravity of my privilege until this past year. I’ve got friends who have been followed in department stores purely because of the color of their skin, which is something I’ve never experienced. A close friend of mine is stopped at airport security every single time just because of the origin of his name and ancestry. I’ve never experienced that either. This past year, I’ve learned more about the world and how some of my loved ones and friends are having an alternate experience. I want to be as supportive and mindful of that as possible.

Nesting and community: As much as I love travel, I’ve realized that nesting at home is not only good for me, it’s also good for the planet. I had designed a life and career that was dependent on traveling much of the time. And while this change wasn’t voluntarily, I’ve discovered elements of real beauty while staying home. I’ve met more friendly neighbors in the past year than we have in a whole decade of living here…simply because I was home. Taking our dog on two walks a day has allowed me to connect with our community in ways I didn’t realize were even possible.

Resilience: The world in this past year sometimes felt like a hailstorm of curve balls. There were moments when I thought, how on earth is it possible for more to come our way? And yet, time and again I saw human beings make adjustments and adapt. I see this resilience in teachers working remotely, parents managing online learning, scientists working to create a vaccine that’ll help us reconnect with some kind of normalcy. These are all testaments to the strength of the human experience. I know I’ve had to become creative in many ways and I’m sure you have as well. There is great beauty in seeing what can be born from a challenge.

On this bizarre anniversary, I encourage you to do a little emotional inventory. List out your struggles, and give yourself permission to grieve and process them any way you can. But also allow yourself to look for the wisdom.

There is light and energy in these peculiar times. And for me, this is wisdom and awareness that I want to carry with me.

Much Love,