This week David and I attended our first party in close to 17 months.

I mean, I guess it was a party? The word “party” is a relative term, especially in light of the last year. It was our dear friend’s birthday and about 20 people came to hang out in her backyard. For some that may seem like a small gathering, but to me, an empath who got very used to sheltering in place – it’s a party.

I was surprised by how nervous I felt as the day approached. Because it had been so long since I socialized like this, a series of mundane questions kept dancing through my head:

I know that sweatpants are not the right choice, but what should I wear?

Do I show up exactly on time, or is it more considerate to arrive 15-20 minutes late in case the host is running behind?

Should I hug people? Should I wear a mask?

Do I kiss my old friend on the cheek, or would it be better to curtsy?

“I feel like I forgot how to socialize.” – I said to David in the kitchen, who was putting the finishing touches on a cake he made for the party.

“Are birthday candles even a thing anymore?” – David asked.

He had baked a beautiful berry, mascarpone cheese and lemon cake for our friend’s birthday,

but he couldn’t decide if blowing out candles had become obsolete (like handshakes).

Somehow, blowing all over a cake and then passing slices around the room seemed odd now. But was it really? In a nutshell we felt lost.

The day of the party I finished my last intuitive reading and we immediately hopped in the car. It had been ages since I went from a workday straight into personal life with zero time to adjust.

David likes to say that I forgot to turn off the microscope, because I sometimes struggle to get out of “work mode” and will continue tuning into to people’s energy as though they are under a microscope.

When I work with clients, I put 100% of my focus and attention on working to improve their energy and life. Because of this, I will come out of a session and often can’t help but check in with him.

His response is usually “I’m fine Dougall – you’re still in coach mode and can turn the microscope off.”

As we walked into our friend’s yard, I could hear the faint noise of friendly chatter.

As soon as we walked in, we could see smiling, familiar faces. We both froze for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Finally, David said “People! It’s people!” and we moved in to hug old friends.

A mix of emotions immediately came rushing through (excitement, happiness, fear, relief, comfort etc..).

One of my favorite on-the-go techniques to ground myself is to claim that I’m a little nervous. It’s so simple, and yet claiming an emotion out loud is one of the best ways to neutralize it.

As I hugged people and said hello, I let everyone know that this was our first “big” social gathering. Although I was delighted to be there, I shared that I was a little nervous too.

“Do you want a drink?” David asked as he put the cake on the counter.

I said “yes!” probably more enthusiastically than I meant to, which elicited an understanding laugh from the group.

As I held my drink, I felt dizzy and not entirely focused. Socializing is an exchange of energy, and it felt like a lot to take in after being at home for so long. It would have been easy to take a sip of my drink and dull that sensation, but instead I decided to hold off and feel whatever my body needed to feel.

As I caught up with people I hadn’t seen in well over a year, I slowly took deep breathes all the way to the bottom of my feet. I could feel the brick patio under my shoes and the light breeze in my hair. With each breath I had the realization that everyone’s hearts seemed very connected and open.

The night consisted of people catching up and sharing their experience of the pandemic. We talked about how our parents, kids and loved ones were readjusting to the world.

We shared collective moments of laughter and validation around the bizarre year we all lived through.

David and I stayed until after 11:00pm, which for two introverts is a big deal!

The next morning in reflection, my mind was buzzing about what a lovely night it had been and why it felt so deeply intimate?

What I realized was that we all had a strong common denominator. Every single person there had been through a similar experience. Our lives took a sharp left turn and we all had to make unexpected adjustments. We all had to cancel or reschedule important life events. We were all separated to varying degrees from our loved ones.

And now here on a beautiful summer night, celebrating a dear friend that we all adore, we were holding space for each other’s stories and validating the experience.

It was heavenly.

I’m aware that you may read this and think, why is he making a big deal out of this? You socialized with people, and it was a nice night.

But for empaths and sensitive people in general, getting back to the social part of our lives can be tricky, to say the least.

If you can relate to this experience, please know that you’re not alone. Here are three techniques that I use whenever I need to feel more grounded. I invite you to try them and let me know how they work for you:

• Claim the emotion out loud (as in “wow I’m feeling kind of anxious right now etc.…”)
• Breathe into your feet (meaning, take slow deep breaths as you visualize each inhale filling your entire body and extending all the way down into your feet)
• Point It Out: Look around and, out loud, list some physical items around you. For example, “This is a lamp. These are my shoes. This is a table.”

And if I could offer one more suggestion right now, I’d urge you to say yes to connection. We’ve all been through a lot, and I believe that our hearts are more open as a result. Although it has been a challenging time (you still see some bonkers stories in the news of people forgetting how to behave around each other) – there is also a new, open energy on the planet. I’d love for you to experience it because there is so much love out there for us.

We have the opportunity to be more present.

We have the opportunity to be more connected.

We have the opportunity to hold space.

If this resonates for you, then you’ll want to check out the live video workshop I’m doing next week on this very topic!