“You can’t have dreidels on your Christmas Tree!”  We hear that a lot.  People seem startled when they visit our home and are greeted by all kinds of religious symbolism.  A mezuzah hangs on our door frame, a four foot tall statue of Buddha perches in our foyer, and a wrought iron cross adorns our garden. “I like to cover all bases. Just in case.” I say to new friends.

Many of my close friends are in religiously blended relationships.  I can count six couples that I know of, where one was raised Jewish and the other is Christian.  When holidays come up in conversation, it can bring up quite a bit of emotion.
When David and I were first living together, putting up a Christmas tree was a big deal for him.   I didn’t understand at first; you’d think I had asked to place a 7 foot cross above our bed with weeping eyes of Jesus staring down at him.  David explained that he was raised in an Orthodox Jewish household and is the child of Holocaust survivors, so he felt quite a bit of guilt around it.

“You have to realize how freaked out I am right now,” he would lament.  The funny part is that David loves Christmas, and he often wants to drive around looking for homes that are decorated in twinkling lights.

“Really?  The tree is not technically religious to me, it’s just festive!”  I told him.
“I get that.  I want to honor both holidays, but there is a part of me that feels like I’m abandoning my Jewish roots.”
“Well, you definitely aren’t abandoning your Jewish guilt!”

It was important to me from that point onward that our holidays represent both of us.  We would have dreidels, stars of David and a small banner that says “Happy Chanukah” strung across the tree.

I feel so lucky that religions coexist in our household.  I’m aware that it is not always this easy.  I know couples who say things like ‘his’ tree and ‘her’ menorah.  They live in the same house but are in their own corners, celebrating their own holidays.  People seem afraid to honor or acknowledge beliefs other than their own, as if they will lose their identity and heritage.

Every year I supportively starve myself with David on the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur because it is his tradition. Not exactly one of my personal favorites, but I am supportive no matter the reason.  This is why I understand his questioning of my traditions.

“What is this gigantic bowl in the corner for?”  David will ask.
“It’s a Root Charkra bowl.  It’s very important.”
“It’s very dusty.”
“Well you never know when your root chakra will need attention.”

In the end, I love the empowerment and joy that I receive from blending our cultures.  Neither of us is particularly religious.  We both believe in a higher power and like to consider ourselves spiritual.  When it comes to traditions like lighting the menorah or decorating the tree, our focus is on creating special family moments.

Why does society ask us to choose one particular faith?  Does there have to be one “right” religion?  Raising children in a house hold that incorporates different cultural traditions is labeled ‘confusing’.  When we were getting married, we searched high and low for a rabbi who was willing to perform a ceremony under a chuppah with Tibetan Prayer Flags around it.  Surprisingly the fact that we were two men about to marry wasn’t an issue for any of the Rabbis; it was the fact that I wasn’t converting.  We continued our search until we found a Rabbi who understood that we wanted to create a life that honors both of our cultural heritages.

Every year when the holiday season approaches I realize how lucky I am that I get to celebrate both.  Whether its Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Christmas or any other holiday, it’s really about disconnecting from the world and reconnecting with your family and loved ones.   This particular year, Christmas and Chanukah fall on the same week.  For my family it’s as if there is an outside force encouraging us to celebrate both.

This holiday season, I invite you to incorporate a tradition outside of your own belief system.  If you have any traditions that you blend, please share them in the comment section below or on my Facebook page.  Here are some easy ones:  If you aren’t Jewish, try having a jelly donut on the week of Chanukah.   The donut is fried in oil, which reminds us of the oil that burned for eight straight days.  Have some Egg Nog while lighting the menorah or attend a midnight Mass.  Remember, our stories may be a little different, but we all come from the same Source.